Are you jelous with other's succeed? Please read this!

Have you ever compared yourself to your closest friends? 

Wondering if you’ve been left behind? Felt small, suffered from self-doubt and spent your precious time thinking about other people’s success instead of your own?

This is gonna be a long post and pretty wordy but it is worth it!

We've all heard of the Social Comparison Theory, initially proposed by social psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954.

Here's what I learned:

Comparing ourselves to others, without taking the action they took results in this will make our standards raise exponentially but our ability to perform does not.

WE WANT TO RAISE OUR STANDARDS AND ABILITY SO THAT:

🌸We can be a TOP PERFORMERS and have the influence we deserve.

🌸We can ARCHIVE OUR DREAMS and be our best selves.

🌸Be a TRUE ROLE MODEL to our families and friends.

**BUT HERE’S THE PROBLEM **

- We end up comparing ourselves to our closest peers and it results in over judgment.

- We get into negative spirals of being mean to ourselves.

- We feel envy and procrastinate instead of doing what it takes.

Here’s what we forget in that moment of comparison -

You can grow at any point in your life. There’s always going to be someone who is better at something and we just have to get to a level of competence.

Let me share with you a one case study of what I call the Social Competence Effect. You can simply focus on raising your ability to meet your standards just by asking and doing.

🏢 I was chosen to interview the new candidates for my faculty association at one of Malaysia's top research university.

Their requirements and resume were remarkable. Out of 100’s of applicants, the cream 5 top were chosen for an interview with me and my colleagues.

These were kids fresh out of Matriculation, who could talk the talk and walk the walk. In their young life they had accomplished more than the experienced people I knew.

One of my colleagues commented about a girl we interviewed – “She was so good, I wanted to resign my position (secretary of the fac) and give her.” It was true. I felt the same.

A young girl joined my team, She was a go getter, top performer from the moment they met each other. Her ability to get noticed and take up opportunity landed her in projects with the Dean and lecturers after just one month in her role in our association.

I started to look around me and see how it infuriated others with envy. I felt it too to some extent. It wasn’t fair!

Then I asked myself a question that changed my life:

Why was I wasting my time being worried about her being better when I could just ask her how she did it, watch what she does and then do what she did.

I asked her the questions, watched what she did. We got along became friends. We started hanging out together all the time.

I learned so much from her and she ended up learning more from me too. I raised the bar and got my own speaking gig with a room full of lectures and she was so happy for me.

What I realized was this:

Success is not a zero sum game. We could both be successful. Once you realize a simple thing "others are not your competition, they are your ally".

Here’s what you can do to adopt the social competence effect:

🍁Having a circle of success actually accelerates your performance in a particular area.

🍁Get into a mastermind or start your own (in your biggest growth area for this year).

The most important thing you got to be willing to do what the successful person does.

At one point, we were not doing. We were only wanting. Start doing what they do. Watch them closely and go outside your comfort zone.

You end up making crazy amount of friendships when you aren’t stuck in your own insecurity! Focus on helping others and your self-doubt vanishes.

That’s when:

· You become the person that lifts people up.

· You grow by raising your own standards.

· You achieve with your new level of competence.

Your social competence meets a new level of social confidence : )

Bear in mind, if you're continuously compete with others, you become bitter, but if you continously compete with yourself you become better!

Be better! Thank you for you time. 💜🤍